


Damned If You Do

by reapertownusa



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Dubious Consent, First Time, Fuck Or Die, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-12
Updated: 2011-04-12
Packaged: 2017-10-18 00:08:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/182830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reapertownusa/pseuds/reapertownusa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean cross a pagan fertility god and now Dean is dying ahead of schedule and Sam isn’t far behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damned If You Do

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Куда ни кинь...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/773962) by [Tinnory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinnory/pseuds/Tinnory)



> Set at the end of Season 3 two weeks before Dean’s deal comes due.

That this year sucked was a given. That it could get any worse Dean had been hoping like hell against. But here they were arguing about the sickest most depraved thing Dean could think of. Sam had gone out for a while, giving Dean more time to think and it had only made things worse.

“Dean, you’ll die,” Sam replied with total exasperation.

“Then let me die!” he shouted back.

Dean took a deep breath and turned his back to Sam. His unsteady hand ran over his face as he tried to force himself to get a grip. This wasn’t his brother’s fault. Not even close. It was that damn pagan fertility demi-goddess.

They’d ran into her a couple of days back and she’d flashed some wicked mojo over him that had left her mark on his hand. Uselessly he had hoped that the worst of it was the ugly ass tattoo looking thing, but that had just been a little love hickey. The real show had started out with these short flashes of pain. Nothing he couldn’t handle at first, but they kept getting worse. A lot worse.

Now when they came, it was like every nerve in his body was on fire and his guts were being torn out. The time between attacks kept getting shorter and according to Sam, soon his body would just give out. He only had a couple of weeks left to live anyway. That news wasn’t exactly anymore world shattering than anything else he had going on.

“Forget it, Sam,” Dean finally managed to continue. “We both know I’m dying anyway and I’m sure as hell not gonna have part of my last days be...this.”

“We’ll both die.”

At those simply spoken words Dean’s shoulders went rigid. He pretended to not know what his brother was saying but a sickening feeling in his gut told him that he knew all too well.

“What?”

He risked a glance over his shoulder and Sam flashed him a look at the back of his hand. Sam was now sporting the same mark Dean had.

“She got me too,” Sam verbally confirmed, not that Dean hadn’t already been hit with the full implications.

“Damn it, Sammy!”

The bitch goddess had been more than a little pissed about them crashing her big sacrificial orgy. Man, his skin was still crawling from having walked in on that mess. When the big fight had gone down, he’d been a little busy trying to gank the bitch’s ass to be watching Sam as close as he should have. He hadn’t known that she’d gotten his brother too.

“Maybe she was just screwing with us,” Dean mused as he turned back around to fully face Sam.

With a smile she had told Dean that the pain would only stop when he screwed his brother. Simple as that. Sick bitch. Little did she know, he wasn’t afraid of pain and he was on his way out anyway. If his heart gave out a week early it wouldn’t change anything. But of course Sam had never been able to leave well enough alone.

They’d thought that maybe killing her would stop the curse, but it hadn’t done shit. Neither had Dean’s attempts to fix this by getting it on with the waitress from the diner or the unsettlingly dude looking chick from the gas station that had Sam hair. That was as far as he had been able to push it. Anything more just wasn’t happening.

“Bobby says it’s legit.”

“Dude, you talked to Bobby about this?” Dean asked in total disgust. Like it wasn’t bad enough they were talking about this at all, Bobby had to know too?

“I don’t like it anymore than you do, Dean. That’s why I had to be sure. He says it’s her idea of a joke for disobedient males that try to interfere with her rituals.”

“Disobedient my ass,” Dean grumbled. “That’s great. Did Bobby bother to mention how to stop it?”

“Only one way. Just like she said.”

“Tell him to find another way.” He ran a frustrated hand over his rumpled hair. “How long do we got?”

“Bobby thinks you have a couple hours. Maybe less.” Sam shifted uncomfortably and Dean didn’t like the expression that crossed his brother’s face. “I went to the store and uh...I got some...stuff.”

“’Stuff’?” Dean repeated suspiciously. “Please tell me this wasn’t what you were researching on the computer.”

Sam gave a guilty shrug. His brother looked as lost as he felt. Dean raised his brows and looked warily towards the small paper bag Sam had set on the table. He didn’t actually want to know what was in it, but he’d find out sooner or later.

He walked over and peaked inside. Then he almost let loose his half digested double cheeseburger into the bag when he saw what should have been an innocuous tube of Astroglide gel. But there was nothing innocent about it because Sam was talking about them using it on each other. Him using it on his brother. Quickly he crumpled the bag closed and shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I can’t. I just won’t. Anything else. I’ll do it, but I’m shooting myself before I do this with you...to you. You can do me when I’m dead, get yourself out of your part.”

It was the best plan Dean could come up with and it wasn’t just a sick joke. Not anymore than the rest of this was. Leaving Sam with the memory of having fucked his brother’s corpse was enough to make him want to scratch his own eyes out, but right now it was looking like the best way out of this. Though by the horrified expression on Sam’s face, his brother obviously didn’t agree.

“You know I’m not letting you do that, Dean. It wouldn’t work anyway. It has to be both of us or neither of us.”

He was sure from the glint of guilt he saw in Sam’s eyes that his brother was lying, but he was distracted from that thought when Sam looked away. His brother tensed his jaw before looking back at him with pained eyes.

“Technically we should both be dead,” Sam continued desolately. “And...um, well, it’s looking less and less like I’m going to be able to save you, Dean. I don’t know...maybe we should just...”

“Romeo and Juliet it?” Dean finished for him.

He crossed his arms tightly over his chest and plopped down onto the bed. His gut was twisted so tightly right now that he couldn’t begin to think. It was when the moisture began tickling the corners of his eyes that he realized he was actually considering it. That maybe them killing each other would be the better option.

It wasn’t. Obviously. Shooting Sam would be worse than fucking him. Theoretically. But it sure didn’t feel that way. If it was just his own life they were talking about, pulling the trigger would be easy. His time was up anyway, but Sam’s wasn’t.

Dean just wanted some kind of control here, to get to decide how it ended, because this just felt like the world getting one more sick jab in before his time was up. Just another monster making them its bitches to get its jollies off. Whatever demons were looking up at him from hell had to be laughing their asses off right now. He wasn’t going to let them win.

“No,” he said with far more conviction than he actually felt. “We’re not killing ourselves. Not after everything we’ve been through. You’re going to keep on living when I’m gone. If it takes this...I’m sure I’ll get it worse in hell anyway. Least I’ll have something better to think back on.”

“That’s not how I want you to remember me, Dean.”

“And I won’t. This is just something we gotta do, right?”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure I’m not going hell just so you can die like this.”

“Good,” Sam replied a little too easily.

It left Dean wondering how much of what was just said had been Sam pulling some reverse logic over on him. Was there anyone that wasn’t screwing with him right now?

“But we don’t have a lot of time here so...how do we do this?” Sam asked awkwardly. “I mean...it’s not like we have to take everything off, right? And maybe if we turned the lights off...”

Suddenly he was back in junior high. Dean felt the eyes of his little brother looking down on him desperately seeking guidance that he was fresh out of. He knew that Sam thought he was the expert on sex and over the years, especially over the last few months, he’d tried just about everything, but he’d never even considered trying anything with a guy. He got the basic concept and all, but beyond that he was clueless. Yet Sam was looking to him to make sense of this.

“Lights stay on,” Dean replied. “No offense, but I don’t want to have to do anymore feeling around than I have to. Besides, I don’t want to pretend I’m getting fucked by some random guy. I just want to do what I have to save my brother one more time and move on. I mean unless you...”

“No, whatever you want, Dean.”

“Well, I sure as hell don’t want this.”

But dragging it out wasn’t going to help anything. He just needed to get this over with. Walking over to the window, he reached up to turn the blinds closed. His hand was shaking so bad he almost had trouble working the damn pulley. He was so edgy, so livid and so fucking horrified that he wasn’t sure how he was going to keep it together.

“So you’ve really never...not even once?” Sam asked him questioningly.

“With a dude? Hell no.” His face twisted in disgust, but his expression turned quizzical as he looked back and raised a brow to Sam. “You?”

“Never.”

“Who knew anyone could ever accuse us of being virgins.” Dean made a face despite his own attempt at a joke.

“Yeah, great. The blind leading the blind.”

“How bad could we screw it up? Just like a girl right? I mean with your hair...” He grabbed the whiskey flask from his jacket and took a long gulp before passing it off to Sam. “Do me first.”

“Why?”

For no reason that he was going to say out loud to his brother. There was the obvious fact that he was so many light-years from aroused that not even an entire chorus line of Busty Asian Beauties could begin to harden him up. Then there was the harsher reality that they were cutting it so close with the timing that he could drop dead half way through. Despite Sam’s claim, he was sure enough that if Sam did his part first it would at least guarantee that Sam was safe.

“Just because. I’ll talk you through it.”

“I thought you said...”

“I said not with a dude. Some chicks are into it. You looked at your diagrams and crap online didn’t you?” Sam nodded reluctantly. “Yeah...so, okay.”

Before Dean could say another word the pain hit him again.

~~~

When Sam saw Dean’s legs begin to give, he instantly closed the small distance between them. His arms easily reached out to catch his brother, easing him to the ground as Dean road out the worst of the pain. Bobby had warned him that as the attacks got worse any one could be the last. It could set off a brain aneurysm, a heart attack or just about anything else and if Dean slipped into a coma there would be no way for him carrying out his part in lifting the curse.

As he knew Dean suspected, it didn’t really take two of them to end it for one of them. Not like he’d implied. If he did Dean it would save himself, but it would take Dean doing him to save Dean. It was just that the only way Sam was interested in getting out of this was together. So it had to be both of them.

He kept his arms protectively wrapped around Dean’s shoulders as his brother gripped his arm desperately for support. When it had passed, Dean was left gasping and trembling in his arms. Sam pulled him up tighter to his chest. They had to do this now. He wasn’t going to watch his brother die again.

“Hey,” Sam said in an effort to get his brother talking. “Dean?”

“I’m fine,” his brother chocked in reply. Despite Dean’s insistence, his gaze was unfocused. It was a long moment before he finally really looked at Sam and the familiar pain settled back into his brother’s hazel eyes. “Let’s just...let’s finish this.”

Sam helped Dean to his feet. His brother wavered unsteadily before moving awkwardly to the bed, using it to support himself until he could stand on his own again. Sam had wanted to keep helping, but he knew that his brother was looking for some breathing room. Dean stood for a minute just looking down at the bed.

“Dean?”

“I don’t wanna do it on the bed. It’s just...I don’t.”

“Yeah, okay. Where do you want to do it?”

Sam knew ‘nowhere’ was the answer, but Dean seemed to be looking around the hotel room so he gave his brother time to think.

“Maybe just...I’ll lean against the bed and I...” Dean cast his eyes down. Sam didn’t want to think about what would make his brother look that uncomfortable. Everything here was sickly uncomfortable, but it just struck him hard to see Dean looking so vulnerable. “I think I need to take my clothes off. To uh...you know...make it happen.”

“Sure. That’s fine,” Sam replied gently. But then it was his turn to be the sheepish looking one because he really couldn’t strip down for his brother and have any hope of doing this. “But I think I kind of need to not.”

“Thank god for that,” Dean replied in an obvious attempt to sound okay.

Sam handed his brother the flask back and Dean took another swig. It wasn’t like they’d never seen each other naked. They’d only not shared a room when Sam was a baby and away at college. They lived together twenty-four seven. While they had never really looked at each other, one way or another they’d unintentionally seen it all – way too much in some cases. He’d walked in on Dean doing things with girls he never wanted to think about.

But just because he’d seen it all didn’t make this any easier and it didn’t stop Sam from looking away as Dean slipped off his shirt and started working on his pants. Sam busied himself with getting out the lubricant and reading the bottle. It was an attempt to make this into something logical, but it just made him more nauseous.

Dean was right. When Bobby had confirmed this Sam had hit the internet in an effort to turn this into some rational situation that required research, but while it had cleared up some confusion, it had repulsed him all the more. He didn’t have a problem with other guys doing it, but it wasn’t his thing. And this wasn’t just a guy he was talking about doing. It was his brother. His hero.

“Okay then,” Dean reluctantly announced.

At that Sam looked back to see Dean standing fully exposed beside the bed. Sam’s stomach twisted as he looked at his brother – the upper half anyway. Dean was a tightly wound form of coiled muscles and pure dread. He suddenly wondered how much Dean did actually know about this. His brother was the king of porn surfing and indulging in everything indecent. Obviously he’d come across plenty of stuff, but nothing his brother would have accidentally come across on a porn site was going to be of comfort.

“Dean, you might already know this but, with the position of the prostate...”

“You’re not helping, Sam,” Dean said shortly. “I’m standing here naked waiting for my brother to screw me. Just skip the fucking anatomy lesson and do it.”

“There’s a good chance this will make you...”

“Right,” Dean cut him off again before he could say it. “Because you know I’m secretly gay or you’re just that good?”

“It’s only a physical reaction. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Thank you, Oprah, but there’s nothing here not to be ashamed of.”

“I know, I’m just saying if you do react, it doesn’t mean anything.”

Dean seemed to actually consider it and then nodded to himself. “Thanks. I mean it, Sammy.”

Suddenly he was glad that Dean had taken off his clothes because it let him see what his brother was doing. As Dean leaned over the bed, every lean muscle in his brother’s body tightened rigidly. Just like Sam had been afraid of.

When things got really bad his brother had a tendency to silently get worked up in his head until he was practically having a private panic attack. It didn’t happen often and usually Dean could hide it pretty well, but there wasn’t anything physical to hide beneath here.

If Dean was going to tense his body that much, this was going to hurt like hell. Sam took out the lube that he’d been warming up in his pocket. Before doing anything with it he placed a hand soothingly on Dean’s knotted shoulder. His brother practically jumped out of his skin.

“Dean, you’ve gotta calm down.”

“I can’t,” his brother huffed in reply.

“You have to. Just breath,” Sam coaxed. “Come on. It’s okay. It’s just me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I know that, Sammy,” Dean replied with an impatient edge.

He knew that being hurt physically wasn’t what Dean was afraid of, but it was the only thing he could assure his brother against. Dean was now trying to make him think he was relaxing, but it was only superficial. Sam rubbed his hand patiently over Dean’s still painfully taut shoulders.

It was slowly working to calm Dean, but he realized it was only making him hyper aware that it was his brother he was soothing. Sam could prep Dean all he wanted but if he couldn’t get it up when it was time to go, they weren’t going to be able to finish this. Still, they had to start somewhere. He put some lubricant on his hand and rubbed it over his fingers.

“This is just my finger, Dean.”

It took him a minute to find the right position then he awkwardly pressed against Dean’s opening. Instantly Dean’s muscles contracted hard against the unwanted pressure. This wasn’t going to work.

“You’ve gotta relax man. I can’t do it like this.”

“Just push harder,” Dean replied through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, I can, but if you’re tensing this hard I’m gonna tear something.”

“Then do it.”

“Dean, this doesn’t have to hurt.”

There was a long moment of silence before his brother replied in a tone so low that Sam had barely been able to make out the words. “I want it to.”

“Making it hurt, isn’t going to change what’s happening.”

His brother’s head dropped as he nodded. “I know. It just makes me feel better.”

“Well it won’t make either of us feel better when I have to take you to the hospital, okay? You can do this, Dean. Just pretend I’m the world’s hottest chick with a dildo.”

“You did not just say that.” But he could hear the slightest hint of a smirk in Dean’s voice.

“I’m not kidding, man. Close your eyes.”

From where he was standing, he couldn’t see whether or not his brother had closed his eyes, but Dean shifted his position, slightly widening his stance. “You’re blond and short,” Dean informed him.

“Midgets then?”

“That’s your kink, dude. It’s totally midget clowns for you. Mine’s a candy stripper.”

“I’m just a nurse checking you out then.”

As he talked to Dean he could watch the lines of the muscles on Dean’s back relaxing. He slowly tried again. Initially Dean tensed again but he slowly relaxed. Sam still didn’t like the resistance, he didn’t like any of this, but at least they were getting somewhere.

“I hate hospitals with nurses like you,” Dean griped through clenched teeth.

“Remember that nurse last week?”

“Cindy,” Dean recalled fondly. “Dude, you should have seen her sister.” Sam added more lube and joined his first finger with a second. Dean hissed and crumpled the bed’s blanket up in his fist but nodded sharply. “I’m okay.”

Sam pressed his fingers deeper and Dean let out a moan he couldn’t bite back. By just the posture of his back, Sam could tell that Dean was beating himself up about it. He did his best to keep distracting his brother.

“Which one did you go home with?”

Dean chuckled stiffly to himself. “Both. It’s a good thing we left town the next morning. Man, I swear…son of a bitch!”

Sam instantly knew that it wasn’t anything he was doing and quickly, but gently pulled his fingers out just in time to support Dean as his brother collapsed against the bed. Dean curled into himself as he was rocked by another agonizing spasm. Sam just kept his hand laid on Dean’s trembling arm until his brother’s bit back screams dissolved into quick, shallow breaths.

Before Sam thought he was ready, Dean was pushing himself back up to again stand at the end of the bed. As insistent as Dean was about not actually being in the bed, it would sure be a lot safer.

“Can you even stand?” Sam asked worriedly.

“Yeah...I’m fine,” his brother gasped.

Dean was running out of time and Sam couldn’t waste more time thinking about how wrong this was, but the revulsion factor was so high it was hard to think of anything else. He was standing here playing his fingers inside his brother’s rectum and now he was supposed to just flat out fuck Dean.

His brother’s exhausted muscles were still quaking and he was obviously still hurting bad. Though Dean would never admit it, Sam also knew his brother was scared out of his mind. Sam wanted to wrap a blanket around him to cover him up, not shove his dick up his ass.

“I can’t.”

“Sam…”

“I mean...I’ve got nothing here, Dean.”

“It’s like doing a girl, only harder. A good hard.” There was a tremble in Dean’s voice, but he was trying so hard to sound strong that Sam tried to ignore it. “I’m a great fuck, Sammy. A million girls can’t be wrong.”

The corner of Sam’s lips twitched up just a twinge as he snorted. “A million, huh? Don’t you wish...”

“You’re doing fine, Sam. Just give it a little encouragement. Put that damn Astroglide to some good use. Someone should be enjoying it. You can’t tell me you’ve never jerked yourself off. I’ve heard you...man, have I heard you.”

“Yeah, whatever. I’ve never done it while I’m staring at my brother.”

Dean shot a look over his shoulder and glared at him. “Dude! Stop staring at my ass. You better not be able to get it up with that view.”

He supposed Dean was right there. They should both be thankful for the fact that he couldn’t get hard over the sight of his pained brother. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander to times before he’d met back up with Dean. When he unzipped his pants and reached into his briefs, he realized another thing Dean was right about; Astroglide wasn’t fundamentally evil.

“You ready?” Sam finally asked.

Dean’s fist tightened harder on the blanket, but he nodded all the same. Sam was sure he couldn’t do this, but then his thoughts flashed to Dean collapsed in his arms, screaming in pain. He put on more lube, no doubt way more than he needed, and pressed himself against Dean. Aside from tightening up again he was pretty sure he couldn’t see his brother’s rigid shoulder moving.

“Seriously, Dean, just breath. It’ll be over in just a minute.”

~~~

The thing was, Dean wasn’t sure that it would be any better when it was over. He felt Sam pressing against him. Not fingers. His brother’s slightly erect dick was trying to push its way into his hole. That was so not cool. He knew it would be easier if he just relaxed, but he couldn’t. That thing Sam had been doing with his fingers...he didn’t want this to feel good.

“Dean, please. I don’t want to hurt you.”

At the gentle pleading in Sam’s voice, Dean closed his eyes in resignation. This was going to happen one way or another and if Sam had to tear into him to do it his brother would never forgive himself. Dean was close to being able to count on his hands how many days he had left, but Sam would have to live with this. Reluctantly, he acquiesced to Sam’s request and tried to forget about his brother or the erection awkwardly pushing into him in all the wrong ways.

He swallowed hard and thought of every drop dead gorgeous girl he had been with and tried to lose himself in the stimulation while ignoring where it was coming from. His arms braced him up off the bed and his thighs were steadied against the mattress so that Sam wouldn’t have to hold him. He was also making use of the friction against the blankets to try to get ready for his turn. Every time he almost had something going he’d remember that he was trying to get hard for his brother and it all went to hell again.

As Sam’s pace quickened so did Dean’s breath. Without even realizing it, he began to move in rhythm to Sam’s movements. By the time he felt the sickening sensation of his brother’s hot semen filling him, he had dropped so that his face was buried in the rumpled blanket he gripped beneath him. So much for staying off the bed. His mind was so lost in a haze for a couple blissful seconds before he processed the fact that he was supposed to be doing something besides humping a mattress. Him and his blanket were familiar enough.

“You were right,” he mumbled in embarrassment as he pushed himself off the bed.

Despite everything, his cock was aching for release and if he had to think about the implications of where that release was coming from one more time, he really was going to shoot himself. He kept his flushed face turned away as he held his hand out to his panting brother without actually looking at him.

“Quick...give me the lube.”

Sam’s slick fingers dropped the sticky tube into his hand. “Just do it,” Sam gasped. “I mean...you know.”

“You sure?”

His brother pulled his jeans down further and positioned himself like he’d seen Dean do and nodded. “Yeah...definitely.”

It wasn’t a ‘definitely’ like this sounded like a great idea. It was the kind of definitely that said there was no other option. Sam wanted to get it over while they were both still riding these endorphins and Dean was right there with him, but his brother was like a fucking giraffe.

“Dude, you’re going to have to bend your knees or something.”

“Sorry.”

Dean just about lost it there. His little brother, the kid he had practically raised himself was draped over a bed apologizing because his legs were too damn long for his big brother to comfortably fuck him. There wasn’t anything comforting about this. He desperately tried to push the thought aside as he squeezed out the gel while Sam readjusted his position.

“Here it goes,” Dean warned.

He altered Sam’s position just a little bit more to give him easier access and to make it more comfortable for Sam. It wasn’t something he consciously thought about because right now his body was mostly running on autopilot. He tried to numb out his mind as best he could, just keeping conscious enough to make sure he was moving as carefully as he could force himself to.

At first he tried lightly to push in, but then grumbled to himself, “Man, those chicks totally lied. They so weren’t ass virgins.” Sam didn’t seem to hear a word of it.

His brother was breathing heavily beneath him as he entered him. At least for a moment Dean was able to forget everything as the impossibly tight warmth gripped around his cock. The tensing of Sam’s internal muscles were enough to hurry things along and soon his body was granted the physical relief he’d momentarily been desperate for.

When it was over he was grateful his brother had left his clothes on. He collapsed on top of Sam and while there was bare ass meeting him there, he at least mostly had the clothed back to support him.

But that relief went away as he consciously acknowledged that he was draped naked and sweaty over his little brother. Suddenly Dean scrambled up and backed away from the bed. Sam too jerked up, quickly pulling his pants back up over his thighs.

“How do you feel?” Sam asked. His brother’s voice was unsteady and eyes were as far as they could get from Dean.

“Like shit, but it worked,” he replied hoarsely with a glance to his hand, which was again free of any mark.

“Good, but Dean, you have to take it easy for a little while, because...”

Dean didn’t hear Sam as the physical sensation diminished enough that his mind fully caught up with him. There wasn’t time to say anything before he had to make a dash for the bathroom. He barely managed to shut the door and just made it to the toilet before his whiskey and some of that damn cheeseburger came rushing back up. The remains of the stinging bile in his throat made him feel sicker but at least it was a distraction.

Once he was done heaving, he realized just how completely spent he was. Way more than he should be. When he tried to stand upright again the dizziness nearly brought him down to his knees. He lowered himself the rest of the way to the floor before he collapsed. Even sitting here on the cold vinyl floor he felt overheated. He laid his head against the cool ceramic as he tried desperately to push everything from his mind, but it just kept right on coming in painful waves.

“Dean, you okay in there?”

He kind of heard the question, but couldn’t answer. Sam must have panicked or just lost all sense of personal space because he came right in. Came right in to find his big brother splayed naked next to a toilet seat with tears wetting his lashes. Dean couldn’t help but absently wonder if this was how Sam was going to remember him.

“Get out,” Dean managed to say without looking at him.

“Sorry,” Sam muttered. “I was just afraid...I just brought you some clothes.”

Dean hadn’t even realized that he’d ran in here without anything to put on after the five hundred cold showers he had planned.

“Drop ‘em on the counter,” he mumbled.

“And we gotta talk about this.”

Dean drew up his knees and twisted his position to cover up what he could before his tear blurred eyes flashed defiantly to Sam. Finally he found the strength to speak. “No, we aren’t talking about this. Not ever. Do you hear me? Not one word.”

He tried to stand again, but instantly regretted it. His limbs were suddenly lead weights.

“Slow down, Dean,” Sam cautioned. “You haven’t really slept in days and Bobby said the curse works by drawing the energy from the affected person. You just don’t feel it until it lifts. Your body is going to need time to recover.”

Time. That was funny. They both knew that time was the one thing he didn’t have. This was it. His last days on earth. He couldn’t run from that. Right now it was like every muscle in his body was just done. He couldn’t even get up and walk away from his brother.

“Then you leave.”

Instead of leaving, Sam sat down on the opposite side of the small bathroom just inside the doorway. Far enough away to give Dean the illusion of separation but close enough to make the point that he wasn’t going anywhere. Sam was intent on them sitting this out together. His brother could really be a defiant shit when he wanted to be. Of course he’d learned from two of the best. It was part of the Winchester charm.

“It’s not going to just go away.”

Instead of setting the clothes on the counter Sam tossed them to Dean. Sloppily Dean more or less caught them. Right now he still felt too flushed to put them on. Actually when he really thought about it, he felt a slight chill run through him, but it just plain sounded like too much work to get dressed. Even his damn head was too heavy to hold up, but he was thankful to have something to drape over his lap.

“Yeah, well, I am, so it can wait. Maybe it won’t seem so bad when my intestines are on fire.”

He tried desperately to ignore the anxiety that came to Sam’s eyes at the reminder that this was one of the last things they were going to do together. They could pretend all they wanted, but they both knew there was no saving him. Sam had even said it himself. That wasn’t news. It was this thing now that he couldn’t deal with.

“Do you feel any different about me?” Sam asked.

Dean sloppily wiped his cheeks dry before staring at his brother in complete confusion. “What?”

“Are you lusting for me now?”

“No,” Dean replied with total revulsion. “You’re my brother.”

“Same here. Nothing’s changed, Dean.”

Leave it to his little brainiac of a brother to find a way to make the completely grossly unreasonable somehow resemble something reasonable. Maybe Sam was right, in theory. But his brain couldn’t stop screaming that the throbbing in his ass was from something he had done with his little brother.

“Do you know what I got out of what happened?” Sam asked.

“That I’m as good in bed as I said I was?” Dean mocked weakly.

Sam raised his brows and almost hinted at a smile, but shook his head. “You’re willing to go to hell for me literally and figuratively. You did something you’d rather die than do to save my life. Again. That’s what I’ll remember, Dean. When we’re old and grey and looking back on this wishing we could still get it up.”

He wouldn’t be there with Sam. Honestly, he didn’t even want to be, but he did want Sam to have that life if he wanted it. Dean tried to force up the corner of his lips. “Awesome. You can tell your grandkids all about it.”

“No, Dean. You can tell them. Man, if we can get through this...” Sam shrugged his shoulders, shaking his head as he leaned back against the doorframe and stared up at the ceiling. “We are going to get through this Dean and not just this...I’m gonna save you.”

“You already have, Sammy.”


End file.
